Relationships and me

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ

Good day peeps!

Cr to Mr Google

It's not my photo and I'm freaking single.

Declaration; I've been single for years and never really been in a real relationship. It's hard to explain but I'll try.

There are times where I might feel like I'm desperately want to be in a relationship because of the loneliness I'm feeling but until the possibility is right in front of me, then I'll be chicken out. Like seriouly I'll be saying things such as, we're friends right?! and that what friends are for! and some other excuses that I usually used. And puff that person will suddenly be gone from my life. Haihh

It just, I want someone but I'm not really gonna break that not having a boyfriend until I get marry stuff, I'm just freaking weird. Period.

Many of my friends are in relationships, and I've witnes tons of happiness, mariage, heartbreaks and tears and etc. Many of them are happy stories and happy endings. I'm happy and glad they found the right partner. To be honest, I'm a bit jealous hahahah but still, I do pray for their happiness.

I'm not objecting those boyfriend girlfriend thingy and I'm not supporting them either, it just I'm a bit old fashion, I guess.

 

My usual first impression on boys are ; we totally gonna be a good friend. And there you go, I've been friend-zoning them since the first day I met them. Unless I got  huge crush on them like before we get to know each other, then that is a whole different story. But still, I end up chicken out like always; as if my crush ever like me back.

I think me is kinda having a relationship anxiety, philophobia ?

People with an exaggerated or irrational feeling of danger towards love may be experiencing philophobia and may feel anxiety and panic when simply thinking about love. Doctors call this phenomenon anticipatory anxiety. 

In a simple term, Philophobia is kinda a fear of love. Try to read it here, it might help you better in the explaination compared to mine. 

I think this is because I'm kinda having trust issues; it's hard to belive and trust people these days.

Every time I trust somebody, they show me why I shouldn't.

 I've been building my wall a bit too high as well as my ego. My mother told me that I look arrogant and not friendly but I think I'm just vulnerable narcissism. 

Nope, I'm not entitled. Everyone is free to do what they want. But I can be honest about my feelings and I am entitled to those emotions. All I'm doing is communicating. And you are wrong to make me feel this way, perhaps it is you who is so arrogant as to demand I justify being so very human? 

                - By Angela Abraham, @daisydescriptionari, February 15, 2019.

I think I probably just gonna stay single for now and enjoy my life. This girl need to hustle more for her future, wish me luck and pray for me okay.Single is a trend nowdays right, so let's keep it that way shall we.

I mean staying single got many benefits and for me, a girl in her early twenties shoudn't really be worried about her love life right? This is the time where we should hustle and improve our life. Build a great career, make our family happy, go travel and fill ourselves with knowledges. There's tons of things that we can do and improvise, learn to cook, take some risk, explore new hobby and the list will go on and on. 

 I'm just gonna keep it here.

So this mark the end of my entry. I hope you enjoyed my rumbling thoughts and Thanks for reading!

The girl who ain't ready to fall in love,

Iylia.