It's Okay
بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
I did and those feeling sucks!
For now, I'm living far from home and currently staying with
two friends in a dorm and having those kinds of sick feeling and bad vibes
early in the morning wasn’t really the most pleasure thing to start off my day.
The
whole day was like not okay and when others asked if I'm okay, I would
found a smile and said everything's fine even if whatever I felt that
day clearly shown on my forehead. Sometimes those bad vibes stay with me
for days and I hate it, so much!
I hated myself whenever those sloppy feelings came to me. It felt like all my happiness was suck out of me, you know like the dementour in Harry Potter whom suck out those happy memories of someone and left them like a zombie.
There
this one day, those kind of feelings came back to me. I haven't felt
that feeling for a very long time until that day. Probably I did
something the night before that actually trigger those anxiety and sad
and depression feeling.
I
woke up with a terrible headache and my eyes was bloody red and I felt
flat; no pep talk with my self in the shower like the usual, nothing
really motivated me that day.
I
went to class with an extremely blank face. The others keep asking if I
was sleepy or sick and some of them make fun of me. They were just
trying to bring my mood back since they never really saw me in that kind
of state It was weird actually because we just met for a few months and
here they are, worried sick of me.
Day
went so slow and I really want to get out of campus but I can't because
of the rules. I drank only a tin of Nescafe that day and probably
didn't eat anything.
After
class, around 5.30 or something, a friend ( Miss N ) asked me if I want
to have a walk with her. I couldn't say 'no' because she's been
helping me a lot and she's somehow my human dairy? haha
To
cut short on our little evening walk, she made me laugh, she made me
spill everything buried beneath the bitter smile I keep giving.Probably,
almost my secret here ( in college) she knows it.
"You know what, it's okay to be not okay sometimes but don't let those bad stuff get to you too deep. You might trap in the world of sadness you know," -Miss N
It was really out of the blue and somehow bought my sense back. As if on cue, I saw my little crush from afar and she was somehow annoyed with me and my -like-teen-fall-in-love-disease.
We had dinner silently together and I was comfortable with the silence around us even tho the whole cafe was loud with others chatter, but somehow my world was at peace, a little peace.
I'm not really the cry type of people so, I just kept everything inside me and actually ruined me sometimes. Some said I shouldn't keep it too personally but I've grown used to it.
Here my little advise, if you are someone like me, ain't really the type of telling the whole world about the things happening inside those head, find yourself a book or journal. Use them to write everything you feel, even it might be hard at first but you might used to it later.
If you are not really the writing type, find someone you can trust and share it with them. Just a piece of reminder, don't trust them a little to much, okay?
Sincerely,
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